A man went to the doctor and complained that he had the most terrible constipation.
The doctor examined him and then gave him a prescription for some tablets to be taken last thing at night.
2 weeks later the patient returned for a check-up and the doctor asked him how his constipation was.
The doctor was rather surprised when the man gloomily answered that the pills worked fine and that he went every morning at 7.30.
“So why the long face?” asked the doctor.
“Because I don’t get up until 8 o’clock ! ! !” replied the patient.
This guy went to the doctor and said to him “Doctor….I don’t know
what’s wrong with me, but every time I fart, it sounds like the word
“That’s interesting, never heard of anything like that before. Do you
think you could fart for me?” says the doctor. The guy says “Sure.”
And sure enough, the doctor hears “HONDA”.
After several attempts to figure out what’s wrong with this guy, the
doctor runs out of ideas. He sends him to all sorts of stomach
specialists and none of them can figure out why this guys farts say
“HONDA.” It is a completely out of this world medical condition.
Finally, as a last resort, the doctors think they should send the man
to a dentist.
After explaining the problem to the dentist, the dentist opened up
the guys mouth and examining it.
The dentist says “A-haa!!!!….I have solved the problem.”
The patient says “What is it? What is it. Please tell me doc”…..The
dentist replies “Well, sir, you have an abscess tooth.”
The guy says “Yeah….so….What has that got to do with my farts?”
The dentist replies, “Cant you see??….. Abscess Makes The Fart Go HONDA”
A man went to the doctor complaining that every time he spoke, he farted.
“You must (FFFaaaart….) help me, Doc. Its extremely (whwhwhiiiiffffle…) embarrassing. The only (Phhheeeeeeooooowwww….) saving grace is that the farts don’t (sssssphphrrrrrroophphphphphph….) smell.”
“Hmm!” said the doctor, “I’ll have to send you to a specialist.”
“Will that be a gastro-enterologist (Faaaaaaart) or a surgeon?” said the patient.
“Neither,” said the doctor. “I’m sending you to an Ear, Nose & Throat Specialist. If you think those farts don’t smell, then you’ve got something wrong with your nose ! !”
Who’s the Boss?
When the Lord made man, all the parts of the body argued over who would be boss.
The brain explained that since he controlled all the parts of the body, he should be boss. The legs argued that since they took man wherever he wanted to go, they should be boss. The stomach countered with the explanation that since he digested all the food, he should be boss. The eyes said that without them man would be helpless, so they should be boss. Then the asshole applied for the job. The other parts of the body laughed so hard at this that the asshole became mad and closed up.
After a few days…
The brain went foggy, the legs got wobbly, the stomach got ill, and the eyes got crossed and unable to see. They all conceded and made the asshole boss.
This proved that you don’t have to be a brain to be boss…
Just an Asshole.
An old G.P. and his nurse were on the train, going to a Medical Conference. Opposite them was a man furiously scratching his elbow.
“I wonder what’s the matter with him?” asked the nurse.
“He’s a patient of mine and, in confidence, I can tell you that he suffers badly from hemorroids,” replied the G.P.
“Well, why he’s scratching his elbow?” asked the puzzled nurse.
“Oh, he’s a politician, and he doesn’t know his ass from his elbow.”