Jewish Doctor

Jokes related to Jewish doctors.

When is a Jewish fetus viable?

There’s a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins.

In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until after it graduates from medical school.

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Is there a doctor in the house?

The Scene: The Main Auditorium at the London Festival Hall.

The Occasion: A charity concert for Jewish orphans being given by a famous Israeli pianist before a packed audience .

Right in the middle of the adagio movement of the Pathetique Sonata an elegant matron jumps to her feet.

“Is there a doctor in the house?” she cries.

“Yes madam,” came the reply from several rows back, and a man gets to his feet. “I’m a doctor,” he says.

“Doctor !” beams the matron, “have I got a daughter for you !”

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He will pay anything, no matter whether the doctor cures his wife or kills her

The poor Jewish tailor is beside himself with worry. His wife is very ill and he wants the best doctor in town to treat her. But the doctor is somewhat reluctant because the tailor is so poor and, it being unlikely that his wife could be saved, the tailor might not pay him should his wife die. However, the tailor promises he will pay anything, no matter whether the doctor cures his wife or kills her !

This is sufficient for the doctor and he agrees.

Unfortunately, the doctor cannot save her and the tailors wife dies.

However, when the doctors bill arrives the tailor refuses to pay it despite his promise. After much argument, the doctor and the tailor agree to let the Rabbi decide the case since they both are, after all, Jewish.

The doctor puts his case to the Rabbi that the tailor promised to pay “no matter whether the doctor cured his wife or killed her”.

After much thought the Rabbi asks the doctor, “Did you cure her?” “No” admitted the doctor.

“And did you kill her?” “I certainly did not,” expostulated the doctor.

“In that case,” said the Rabbi, “the tailor has no case to answer because you fulfilled neither of the conditions on which you agreed that the fee should be paid.”

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Asked how such a small country as Israel could beat such large neighbors

It’s a few days after the end of the “6-Day War” between the Arabs and the Israelis, and the victorious Israeli Prime Minister, Mrs. Golda Meir, is giving a press conference.

Asked how such a small country as Israel could beat such large neighbors, she replies,

“Well, boys, it’s like this. We called up all the doctors, and we called up all the dentists, and we called up all the lawyers, and we gave them all a gun each and put them in the front line.

“And when we yelled “CHARGE”….BOY ! ! Do they know how to Charge.”

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