Medical Jokes and Cartoons

The Redneck Dictionary of Medical Terms

Thu, 10 Jun 2010 03:18:03 +0000

Artery…………………………..The study of paintings.
Bacteria…………………………Back door to a cafeteria.
Barium………………………….What doctors do when patients die.
Benign………………………….What you be after you be eight
Cesarean Section…………….A neighborhood in Rome.
CTscan………………………….Searching for kitty.
Cauterize……………………….Made eye contact with her.
Colic…………………………….A sheep dog.
Coma……………………………A punctuation mark.
D & C……………………………Where Washington is.
Dilate……………………………To live long.
Enema…………………………..Not a friend.
Fester……………………………Quicker than someone else.
Fibula……………………………A small lie.
Genital…………………………..Non-Jewish person.
G.I.Series……………………….World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail…………………………What you hang your coat on.
Impotent…………………………Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain……………………….Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff……………………A doctor’s cane.
Morbid……………………………A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates………………………….Cheaper than day rates.
Node……………………………..I knew it.
Outpatient……………………….A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear………………………A fatherhood test.
Pelvis……………………………Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative…………………..A letter carrier.
Recovery Room…………………Place to do upholstery.
Rectum……………………………Darn near killed him.
Secretion…………………………Hiding something.
Seizure…………………………..Roman emperor.
Tablet……………………………A small table.
Terminal Illness…………………Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor…………………………….More than one.
Urine…………………………….Opposite of you’re out.
Varicose………………………….Near by / close by.

Kathy decides to remain on the scale

Thu, 18 Feb 2010 04:40:37 +0000

Kathy decides to remain standing on the scale until she loses weight.

Cartoon generously provided by Jason Love with permission.
You can find more cartoons by Jason at jasonlove.com

My husband insisted he could still wear his high school pants

Sun, 14 Feb 2010 05:22:28 +0000

Yes could you please send an emergency rescue team to my house? My husband insisted he could still wear his high school pants and if you don’t hurry over here this could turn mighty ugly!…

Cartoon generously provided by Anton Ballard with permission.

Sue McDonalds due to Obesity

Sun, 14 Feb 2010 05:15:06 +0000

Inspired by the hot coffee ruling, Bob decides to sue McDonalds for his obesity

Cartoon generously provided by Jason Love with permission.
You can find more cartoons by Jason at jasonlove.com

Fair Warning

Sun, 14 Feb 2010 04:59:44 +0000

“Fair Warning”

Ain’t nothing I hate worse than a smart aleck “SUN of a BEACH”!

Cartoon generously provided by Anton Ballard with permission.

I am NOT giving Fifi braces

Sun, 14 Feb 2010 04:04:56 +0000

“My decision is final, Ms. Sanders — I am NOT giving Fifi braces.”

Cartoon generously provided by Jason Love with permission.
You can find more cartoons by Jason at jasonlove.com

Could you make the exam quick?

Sun, 14 Feb 2010 02:43:19 +0000

..uuhhh doctor, the patient was wondering if you could make his exam kinda quick …He says he hasn’t eaten in fourteen days

Cartoon generously provided by Anton Ballard with permission.

Realistic Stress Test

Sun, 14 Feb 2010 02:28:08 +0000

“We wanted to make the stress test as realistic as possible.”

Cartoon generously provided by Chip Cooper.
You can find more cartoons by Chip Cooper at Coopertoons

What’s in today’s special?

Sun, 14 Feb 2010 02:18:01 +0000

“What’s in today’s special?”

“Whatever the chef feels like throwing into it.”

“Well let’s hope that he doesn’t ‘throw something in’ to which I have an allergic reaction and die.”

Cartoon generously provided by Jason Love with permission.
You can find more cartoons by Jason at jasonlove.com

He wanted to be castrated

Sat, 13 Feb 2010 04:52:21 +0000

The young man was quite adamant. He insisted to the surgeon that he wanted to be castrated. The surgeon pointed out that this was a drastic step for a young man to take and strongly urged him to reconsider his request.

“No,” said the young man, “I have thought long and hard about it, I have read all there is about it and my mind is made up. I must have the operation.”

The operation was duly carried out and when he had recovered from the anaesthetic and was back in the ward he got to talking to the other patients.

“And what are you in here for?” he asked th fellow in the next bed.

“To be circumcised.”

“DAMN, THAT was the word I meant !”