Medical Jokes

Old Seth had been a farmer his whole life. Up at 5am, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year, no matter what the weather, and back to bed at 11pm (if he were lucky). He had led a hard life, supported by his wife, Bess, who had borne his children and run his household. He had now retired and for once had time on his hands. He read the papers avidly, and when he’d finished those he read the womens’ magazines which Bess occasionally bought.

It was after reading “What the Doctor Says” in one of these magazines that he called to Bess.

“Sithee, come ‘ere, lass. ‘Ah’ve found out what’s bin wrong with us all these years.”

“Oh, and what would that be, Seth?”

“Well, this Doctor ‘ere says that when us makes love, you should moan! So, next time we makes love Ah wants yer ter moan, reet?”

So the next time that they are making love, Bess says, “Shall I moan now, Seth?”

“Nay lass, nay. Ah’ll tell thee when to moan.”

At the critical moment Seth says, “Now lass, NOW !”

“WELL, SETH, JUST LOOK AT THE STATE OF THAT CEILING. IF I’VE TOLD YOU ONCE I’VE TOLD YOU A THOUSAND TIMES, THE CRACKS NEED FILLING AND IT NEEDS PAINTING AND YOU’VE NEVER…….!”

NEW MEDICINE FOR MEN
With Viagra such a great medical success for increasing men’s sexual prowess, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today’s society.. Here are a few of the new ones:

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DIRECTRA – a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.

VIAGRA-SKI
Wonderful for those who have a hard time getting up on water-skis.
Forty-five minutes after taking it, you’ll get up and stay up, out of
the water.

CHILDAGRA
Men taking this drug reported a sudden, overwhelming urge to perform
more child-care tasks especially cleaning up spills and “little
accidents”.

PROJECTRA – Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.

COMPLIMENTRA – In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.

BUYAGRA – Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after talking this drug for only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than your favorite store’s return limit.

NEGA-VIAGRA – Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents.

NEGA-SPORTAGRA – This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.

FLATULAGRA – This complex drug converts men’s noxious intestinal gasesback into food solids. Special bonus: Dosage can be doubled for long car rides.

FLYAGRA – This drug has been showing great promise in treating men with O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Especially useful for men on Viagra.

PRYAGRA – About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other people.
Note: Apparent overdose turned three test subjects into “special prosecutors.”

LIAGRA – This drug causes men to be less than truthful when being asked about their sexual affairs. Will be available in Regular, Grand Jury and Presidential Strength versions.