“It was our idea, Grandma. We thought it would represent your age without having to use a ton of candles”
“Thank you, dears.”
Ya little bastards.
Frenetic Wanderings cartoons by Jeff Swenson at www.swensonfunnies.com
“My God, what have I done …”
The Day After Valentine’s Day
Frenetic Wanderings cartoons by Jeff Swenson at www.swensonfunnies.com
You definitely have a serious case of bullseye… Let me pull out this chart for you to read…
Cartoon generously provided by Anton Ballard with permission.
Check out these eye care articles for information about eye exams, costs, and experiences, reviews of online stores that sell eyeglasses, and the best way to clean eyeglasses.
…Once upon a time there lived a very wicked Optometrist that loved scaring Cyclops….
Okay…now cover your eye and read the chart!
Chart? what chart? I can’t see nothing Doc!…AAHHH!! Help me!
Cartoon generously provided by Anton Ballard with permission
Check out these eye care articles about costs of eye exams, places to get cheap eyeglasses, and how to clean your eyeglasses.
“Would you priests get out of the way? What this girl needs is a chiropractor!”
One of the deleted scenes put back in the newly restored release of The Exorcist.
Frenetic Wanderings cartoons by Jeff Swenson
As she lay there dozing next to him, a voice inside his head kept saying, “Relax, you are not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients.”
But another voice kept reminding him, “Howard, you are a veterinarian.”
Saw a patient from “another town” that had a car wreck and was brought to our ED with a tib/fib fracture. She had been labeled as having “multiple allergy syndrome”, and was being seen at an alternative medicine clinic in a neighboring big city.
When told by the Orthopod that she was going to have to have her fracture pinned, she wanted to know what type of metal he was going to use, as she was allergic to many of them. He told her “titanium”. She refused to agree to the procedure until she could rub some titanium against her skin to test for any reaction. As the OR did not have any non-sterile pins/rods, the doc went out to his car, opened the trunk, and brought back his Great Big Bertha titanium driver for her to test herself with…..
Nitrous oxide – “Makes me light-headed”
Novocaine – “Makes me numb”
Novocaine – “When it wore off I had a lot of pain”
Bleach – “When I inhale it, have resp. distress”
Epinephrine – “makes my heart race”
Poison Ivy – “gives me a rash”
Erythromycin – “N/V”
Dextrose– causes SOB
Diprovan– “lose consciousness”
paper tape– causes tachycardia
codeine-“makes me constipated and vomit”
Cortisone – “gives me hives”
Morphine – “makes me sleepy”
Ampicillin — “gives me a yeast infection”
Cortisone/prednisone — “makes me puffy”
“I can only take brand name drugs, I get a rash from any generics”
“Allergic to oxygen”
“Allergic to water”
“allergic to all painkillers except Demerol”
“I’m allergic to demerol, codeine, Morphine and 2mg Dilaudid. But I can take 4mg Dilaudid.”
Allergic to : non-narcotic pain relievers
“I’m allergic to all painkillers except one. I think its called ‘perc-a-something’ but I really don’t remember the exact name”.
“Doc, I’m allergic to 50 milligrams of Demerol but 100 mg doesn’t hurt me at all.”
Sharon was taken to the doctor because she was putting on weight. Her mother, a somewhat overbearing woman, told the doctor all about it, poor Sharon was not allowed to say a word despite being a young woman of 15 years.
After a long monologue from her mother about how it must be her glands, the doctor examined Sharon and was able to make the diagnosis.
“Well,” said the doctor, “I’m afraid that the reason why Sharon is putting on weight is that she is PREGNANT.”
“Nonsense,” said Sharons mother, “you’re wrong, you’ve obviously made a mistake. Such a thing is just not possible. Sharon would never do anything like that, she doesn’t know anything about such things.” Turning to Sharon she boomed at her daughter, “Isn’t that so?” Poor Sharon could only shake her head in abject agreement.
The doctor said nothing. He just washed his hands, walked to the window and stared intently into the evening sky.
“Well, doctor, have you nothing to say? Are you just going to stare out the window? bellowed Sharons mum.
The doctor quietly replied that he was looking for something, because the last time that this had happened a new star had arisen in the East and three wise men on camels had come looking for the fortunate mother and child.
While the Obstetrician is awaiting third stage after a delivery:
Husband: Dr, when can we resume sexual intercourse?
Obstetrician: Well, it is customary to wait until after the placenta is delivered.