Jokes about obstetrics and gynecology.

When is a Jewish fetus viable?

There’s a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins.

In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until after it graduates from medical school.

When is a Jewish fetus viable? Read More »

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Hit him again

An old country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.

“Hit him again,” the child said. “He shouldn’t have crawled up there in the first place!!”

Hit him again Read More »

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Putting on weight due to pregnancy

Sharon was taken to the doctor because she was putting on weight. Her mother, a somewhat overbearing woman, told the doctor all about it, poor Sharon was not allowed to say a word despite being a young woman of 15 years.

After a long monologue from her mother about how it must be her glands, the doctor examined Sharon and was able to make the diagnosis.

“Well,” said the doctor, “I’m afraid that the reason why Sharon is putting on weight is that she is PREGNANT.”

“Nonsense,” said Sharons mother, “you’re wrong, you’ve obviously made a mistake. Such a thing is just not possible. Sharon would never do anything like that, she doesn’t know anything about such things.” Turning to Sharon she boomed at her daughter, “Isn’t that so?” Poor Sharon could only shake her head in abject agreement.

The doctor said nothing. He just washed his hands, walked to the window and stared intently into the evening sky.

“Well, doctor, have you nothing to say? Are you just going to stare out the window? bellowed Sharons mum.

The doctor quietly replied that he was looking for something, because the last time that this had happened a new star had arisen in the East and three wise men on camels had come looking for the fortunate mother and child.

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Doctor, when can we resume sexual intercourse?

While the Obstetrician is awaiting third stage after a delivery:

Husband: Dr, when can we resume sexual intercourse?

Obstetrician: Well, it is customary to wait until after the placenta is delivered.

Doctor, when can we resume sexual intercourse? Read More »

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A cardiac specialist died

A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin
was placed in front of a huge mock up of a heart made up of
flowers. When the pastor finished with the sermon and
eulogy, and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart
opened, the coffin rolled inside and the heart
closed. Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter.

The guy next to him asked: “Why are you laughing?”

“I was thinking about my own funeral” the man replied.

“What’s so funny about that?”

“I’m a gynecologist.”

A cardiac specialist died Read More »

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My child has swallowed a contraceptive

The tired doctor was awakened by a phone call in the middle of the night.

“Please, you have to come right over,” pleaded the distraught young mother. “My child has swallowed a contraceptive.”

The physician dressed quickly; but before he could get out the door, the phone rang again.

“You don’t have to come over after all,” the woman said with a sigh of relief. “My husband just found another one.”

My child has swallowed a contraceptive Read More »

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Getting pregnant from anal sex

A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea.

The doctor asked, “Do you enjoy it?”
She said that she did.
He asked, “Does it hurt you?”
She said that it didn’t.

The doctor then told her, “Well, then, there’s no reason that you shouldn’t practice anal sex, if that’s what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant.”

The woman was mystified. She asked “You can get pregnant from anal sex?”

The doctor replied, “Of course. Where do you think attorneys come from?”

Getting pregnant from anal sex Read More »

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Doctor who spoke limited Spanish

A doctor who spoke limited Spanish was rushed to a car in the ER parking lot to find a Spanish woman in the process of giving birth. Wanting to tell the woman to push he started yelling “Puta! Puta! Puta!”.

At this, the grandmother started to cry and the babies father had to be restrained. What the doctor should have been saying was “Puja!” (Push!).

Instead, he was saying “Whore! Whore! Whore!”.

Doctor who spoke limited Spanish Read More »

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