Jokes about surgery and surgeons.

Surgeon died and went to heaven

The famous surgeon died and worked his way Heavenwards, arriving ultimately at the Pearly Gates. Just like the VA clinics there was a long line. He was not having any of this and strode to the head of the queue and berated St. Peter who was overseeing the admissions procedure.

“I can’t hang around here in a line like this,” explained the surgeon. “Don’t you know who I am?”

“No, who are you?” asked St. Peter.

“I’m Dr. Simon Rothschild III, President of the American College of Surgeons, Surgeon on-call for the United States President, Chairman of …”

“O.K., O.K., O.K.,” said St. Peter, “I get the idea. However, it makes no difference here. Everyone is equal and you must go to the back of the line.”

At that moment a harassed little man in a crumpled suit rushed up in an obvious hurry. He carried a little doctor’s bag, a stethoscope was hanging round his neck and an VA prescription pad was poking out of his pocket. He quietly said something in St. Peter’s ear, and without further ado St. P. opened the Pearly Gates and the crumpled little man went through.

This was too much for our eminent surgeon.

“And what was all that about everyone being equal ! ! You send an eminent doctor like me to the back of the line, but you let an insignificant common-place G.P. like that through without so much as a hesitation.”

“Sorry,” said St. P., “but that wasn’t a G.P., that was God. Sometimes he likes to play at being a doctor”

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They cut off the wrong leg

When he awoke after his operation, the man was appalled to be told that by mistake the surgeon had cut the wrong leg off. Realising the mistake they had, of course, to amputate the bad leg as well. They were all very sorry !

Not surprisingly, he was not happy with this and when he had been discharged from hospital he went to see his lawyer.

“No problem, we’ll sue them for everything they’ve got,” he was told, “You have a cast-iron case.” As this was going to be such a big case, they decided to seek the help of a famous New York expert lawyer who specialised in medico-legal problems, and the patient was to return to his lawyer when the expert’s advice had been received.

Several weeks later he was called back to his lawyer who met him with a rather gloomy face.

“I’m sorry,” he was told, “but the expert advises you not to proceed with the case as you have very little chance of winning it.”

“WHAT !” exploded the patient. “It’s an open and shut case. They cut off the wrong leg.”

“Ah, but don’t you see. You can’t win the case as you haven’t got a leg to stand on.”

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