Jan 29

The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to
administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor
did was to ask whether anything was troubling him.

“Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes,” answered the patient.
“You see, I seem to be getting forgetful. I’m never sure I can
remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter,
or where I’m going, or what it is I’m going to do once I get there
— if I get there. So, I really need your help.
What the Hell can I do?”

The doctor mused for a moment, then answered in his kindest
tone, “Pay me in advance.”

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Jan 27

There was only one cure for his problem…a brain transplant. Having decided to have the operation privately he was given the choice of what sort of brain he should receive.

“The brain of a top-notch mathematician will cost you $10,000. That of a world-renowned astro-physicist will set you back $20,000. But if you want the brain of a politician it will cost $40,000 !”

“Why on earth does the brain of a politician cost so much more than those of people who are clearly much cleverer ?” he asked, very much surprised.

“Ah well, you see, the politician’s brain has hardly ever been used.”

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Jan 24

The middle-aged spinster, well known for all her charity work and support for good causes (because she was a somewhat tedious self-publicist), was complaining to the Doctor of a persistent headache.

“What’s it like?” asked the Doctor.

“Like a tight band around my head,” replied the spinster.

Mindful that this type of headache is most often due to an unhealthy or stressed lifestyle, the Doctor asked if she smoked a lot.

“Certainly not, Doctor. Never have smoked, never will,” was the emphatic reply.

“Do you drink a lot of alcohol?”
“Doctor! I am strictly teetotal.”

“How often do you have sex?”
“That is an impertinent question, I am as chaste as the driven snow.”

“Perhaps you’re spending too much time going to church?”
“Impossible, Doctor. As I keep telling the Mothers Union, I go twice every Sunday and every Festival Day because it is our clear duty to do so.”

“Are you working too hard at your charity activities?”
“Well,” simpered the spinster, “I always believe that you can never do too much for your fellow man, even to the detriment of your own health.”

“Just as I thought,” said the Doctor, “It is clear that the headaches are due to your halo being too tight.”

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