A patient is entering his psychiatrist’s office when he sees an old friend. “Hey Harry.” He asks, “Are you coming or going?”
Harry replies: “If I knew if I was coming or going, I would not be here.”
Jan 28
A streetwalker was visiting her doctor for a regular check-up. “Any
specific problems you should tell me about?” the doctor asked.
“Well, I have noticed lately that if I get even the tiniest cut, it seems
to bleed for hours,” she replied. “Do you think I might be a
hemophiliac?”
“Well,” the doctor answered, “hemophilia is a genetic disorder and it is
more often found in men, but it is possible for a woman to be a
hemophiliac. Tell me, how much do you lose when you have your
period?” the doctor inquired.
After calculating for a moment the hooker replied, “Oh, about seven or
eight hundred dollars, I guess.”
Jan 27
The Psychiatrist was escorting a patient from one Psychiatric Hospital to another. They were travelling by train, and the Psychiatrist was intrigued to see the patient tearing up bits of paper and throwing them out of the window.
“What are you doing that for?” asked the Psychiatrist.
“It’s to keep the elephants away !” answered the patient.
“But there are no elephants in Surrey,” pointed out the Psychiatrist.
“Effective, isn’t it?” was the logical answer.
Jan 28
It’s a few days after the end of the “6-Day War” between the Arabs and the Israelis, and the victorious Israeli Prime Minister, Mrs. Golda Meir, is giving a press conference.
Asked how such a small country as Israel could beat such large neighbors, she replies,
“Well, boys, it’s like this. We called up all the doctors, and we called up all the dentists, and we called up all the lawyers, and we gave them all a gun each and put them in the front line.
“And when we yelled “CHARGE”….BOY ! ! Do they know how to Charge.”
Jan 31
While the Obstetrician is awaiting third stage after a delivery:
Husband: Dr, when can we resume sexual intercourse?
Obstetrician: Well, it is customary to wait until after the placenta is delivered.
Jun 09
Artery…………………………..The study of paintings.
Bacteria…………………………Back door to a cafeteria.
Barium………………………….What doctors do when patients die.
Benign………………………….What you be after you be eight
Cesarean Section…………….A neighborhood in Rome.
CTscan………………………….Searching for kitty.
Cauterize……………………….Made eye contact with her.
Colic…………………………….A sheep dog.
Coma……………………………A punctuation mark.
D & C……………………………Where Washington is.
Dilate……………………………To live long.
Enema…………………………..Not a friend.
Fester……………………………Quicker than someone else.
Fibula……………………………A small lie.
Genital…………………………..Non-Jewish person.
G.I.Series……………………….World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail…………………………What you hang your coat on.
Impotent…………………………Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain……………………….Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff……………………A doctor’s cane.
Morbid……………………………A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates………………………….Cheaper than day rates.
Node……………………………..I knew it.
Outpatient……………………….A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear………………………A fatherhood test.
Pelvis……………………………Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative…………………..A letter carrier.
Recovery Room…………………Place to do upholstery.
Rectum……………………………Darn near killed him.
Secretion…………………………Hiding something.
Seizure…………………………..Roman emperor.
Tablet……………………………A small table.
Terminal Illness…………………Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor…………………………….More than one.
Urine…………………………….Opposite of you’re out.
Varicose………………………….Near by / close by.
Feb 17
Kathy decides to remain standing on the scale until she loses weight.
Cartoon generously provided by Jason Love with permission.
You can find more cartoons by Jason at jasonlove.com
Feb 13
Yes could you please send an emergency rescue team to my house? My husband insisted he could still wear his high school pants and if you don’t hurry over here this could turn mighty ugly!…
Cartoon generously provided by Anton Ballard with permission.
Feb 13
Inspired by the hot coffee ruling, Bob decides to sue McDonalds for his obesity
Cartoon generously provided by Jason Love with permission.
You can find more cartoons by Jason at jasonlove.com
Feb 13
“Fair Warning”
Ain’t nothing I hate worse than a smart aleck “SUN of a BEACH”!
Cartoon generously provided by Anton Ballard with permission.
Feb 13
“My decision is final, Ms. Sanders — I am NOT giving Fifi braces.”
Cartoon generously provided by Jason Love with permission.
You can find more cartoons by Jason at jasonlove.com
Feb 13
..uuhhh doctor, the patient was wondering if you could make his exam kinda quick …He says he hasn’t eaten in fourteen days
Cartoon generously provided by Anton Ballard with permission.
Feb 13
“We wanted to make the stress test as realistic as possible.”
Cartoon generously provided by Chip Cooper.
You can find more cartoons by Chip Cooper at Coopertoons
Feb 13
“What’s in today’s special?”
“Whatever the chef feels like throwing into it.”
“Well let’s hope that he doesn’t ‘throw something in’ to which I have an allergic reaction and die.”
Cartoon generously provided by Jason Love with permission.
You can find more cartoons by Jason at jasonlove.com
Feb 12
The young man was quite adamant. He insisted to the surgeon that he wanted to be castrated. The surgeon pointed out that this was a drastic step for a young man to take and strongly urged him to reconsider his request.
“No,” said the young man, “I have thought long and hard about it, I have read all there is about it and my mind is made up. I must have the operation.”
The operation was duly carried out and when he had recovered from the anaesthetic and was back in the ward he got to talking to the other patients.
“And what are you in here for?” he asked th fellow in the next bed.
“To be circumcised.”
“DAMN, THAT was the word I meant !”
