A famous psychiatrist told his wife: “I feel down today, I am going to see my colleague.”
Wife: ” But! you are the best psychiatrist, aren’t you?”
Psychiatrist: ” Yes! I know! But my colleague charges less than I do!”
Jan 27
A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace the
aging doctor there. The older doctor suggested that the younger
doctor accompany him as he made his house calls so that the
people of the community could become accustomed to him.
At the first house they visited, the younger doctor listened
intently as the older doctor and an older lady discussed the
weather, their grandchildren and the latest church bulletin.
After some time, the older doctor asked his patient how she had
been feeling.
“I’ve been a little sick to my stomach,” she replied.
“Well,” said the older physician, “you’ve probably been over
doing it a bit with the fresh fruit. Why don’t you cut back on
the amount of fresh fruit you eat and see if that helps.”
As they left the house, the younger doctor asked how the older
doctor had reached his diagnosis so quickly.
“You didn’t even examine that woman,” the younger doctor stated.
“I didn’t have to,” the elder physician explain. “You noticed I
dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there. Well when I bent
over to pick it up, I looked around and noticed a half dozen
banana peels in the trash can. That is probably what has been
making her ill.”
“That’s pretty sneaky,” commented the younger doctor. “Do you
mind if I try it at the next house?”
“I don’t suppose it could hurt anything,” the elder physician
replied.
At the next house, the two doctors visited with an elderly
widow. They spent several minutes discussing the weather and
grandchildren and the latest church bulletin. After several
minutes, the younger doctor asked the widow how she had been
feeling lately.
“I’ve felt terribly run down lately,” the widow replied. “I just
don’t have as much energy as I used to.”
“You’ve probably been doing too much work for the church,” the
younger doctor suggested without even examining his patient.
“Perhaps you should ease up a bit and see if that helps.”
As they left, the elder physician said, “Your diagnosis is
probably right, but do you mind telling me how you came to that
conclusion?”
“Sure,” replied the younger doctor. “Just like you, I dropped my
stethoscope on the floor. When I bent down to pick it up, I
looked around and there was the preacher hiding under the bed!”
Jan 27
A very homely young woman made an appointment with a psychiatrist. She walked into his office and said, “Doctor, I’m so depressed and lonely. I don’t have any friends, no man will come near me, and everybody laughs at me. Can you help me accept my ugliness?”
“I’m sure I can,” the psychiatrist replied. “Just go over there and lie face down on that couch.”
Jan 29
Four medical interns, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon and an ob/gyn, were friends. Once, when watching a football game, they made an extravagant wager. The pediatric intern won. Each of the others owed her a thousand dollars.
She laughed and said, “I know none of us has that kind of money now, but I’m sure it will be small change when we’re out in private practice. You don’t have to pay me now, but if I die before you, I expect each of you to throw a thousand dollars in my coffin.”
As it happened, she did indeed precede the other three to her eternal reward. The others greeted each other at the funeral. The psychiatrist and the ob/gyn each had a successful private practice. The surgeon had left clinical care to become the medical director of a managed care company. They remembered their bet long ago. The psychiatrist and the ob/gyn each tossed a thousand dollars cash into the coffin. The managed care physician then removed the cash and put in a check for three thousand dollars.
Jan 28
A group of psychiatrists go to tour an insane asylum that is reknowned for their progressive rehabilitation methods. They begin by visiting some of the patients.
The first patient they visit is a young woman. She is practicing ballet. One of the psychiatrist asks, “What are you doing?” She replies, “I’m studying ballet so when I get out of here I can possibly join a troupe and be a productive member of society.” “Wow, that’s wonderful.”
The next person was a man reading a book with a pile of books next to him. The same question asked to him, “What are you doing?” “I’m studying biology, chemistry, etc. So I can enter medical school when I get out”
Room after room, they witnessed the incredible success and attitudes of the patients. Until they finally reached a room the asylums director was reluctant to open.
Finally, he was persuaded to open it. Inside was a man balancing a peanut on his penis. The reaction of the psychiatrist, “My God what are you doing?” The man replied: “I’m fucking nuts and I’m never getting out of here”
Jun 09
Artery…………………………..The study of paintings.
Bacteria…………………………Back door to a cafeteria.
Barium………………………….What doctors do when patients die.
Benign………………………….What you be after you be eight
Cesarean Section…………….A neighborhood in Rome.
CTscan………………………….Searching for kitty.
Cauterize……………………….Made eye contact with her.
Colic…………………………….A sheep dog.
Coma……………………………A punctuation mark.
D & C……………………………Where Washington is.
Dilate……………………………To live long.
Enema…………………………..Not a friend.
Fester……………………………Quicker than someone else.
Fibula……………………………A small lie.
Genital…………………………..Non-Jewish person.
G.I.Series……………………….World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail…………………………What you hang your coat on.
Impotent…………………………Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain……………………….Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff……………………A doctor’s cane.
Morbid……………………………A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates………………………….Cheaper than day rates.
Node……………………………..I knew it.
Outpatient……………………….A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear………………………A fatherhood test.
Pelvis……………………………Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative…………………..A letter carrier.
Recovery Room…………………Place to do upholstery.
Rectum……………………………Darn near killed him.
Secretion…………………………Hiding something.
Seizure…………………………..Roman emperor.
Tablet……………………………A small table.
Terminal Illness…………………Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor…………………………….More than one.
Urine…………………………….Opposite of you’re out.
Varicose………………………….Near by / close by.
Feb 17
Kathy decides to remain standing on the scale until she loses weight.
Cartoon generously provided by Jason Love with permission.
You can find more cartoons by Jason at jasonlove.com
Feb 13
Yes could you please send an emergency rescue team to my house? My husband insisted he could still wear his high school pants and if you don’t hurry over here this could turn mighty ugly!…
Cartoon generously provided by Anton Ballard with permission.
Feb 13
Inspired by the hot coffee ruling, Bob decides to sue McDonalds for his obesity
Cartoon generously provided by Jason Love with permission.
You can find more cartoons by Jason at jasonlove.com
Feb 13
“Fair Warning”
Ain’t nothing I hate worse than a smart aleck “SUN of a BEACH”!
Cartoon generously provided by Anton Ballard with permission.
Feb 13
“My decision is final, Ms. Sanders — I am NOT giving Fifi braces.”
Cartoon generously provided by Jason Love with permission.
You can find more cartoons by Jason at jasonlove.com
Feb 13
..uuhhh doctor, the patient was wondering if you could make his exam kinda quick …He says he hasn’t eaten in fourteen days
Cartoon generously provided by Anton Ballard with permission.
Feb 13
“We wanted to make the stress test as realistic as possible.”
Cartoon generously provided by Chip Cooper.
You can find more cartoons by Chip Cooper at Coopertoons
Feb 13
“What’s in today’s special?”
“Whatever the chef feels like throwing into it.”
“Well let’s hope that he doesn’t ‘throw something in’ to which I have an allergic reaction and die.”
Cartoon generously provided by Jason Love with permission.
You can find more cartoons by Jason at jasonlove.com
Feb 12
The young man was quite adamant. He insisted to the surgeon that he wanted to be castrated. The surgeon pointed out that this was a drastic step for a young man to take and strongly urged him to reconsider his request.
“No,” said the young man, “I have thought long and hard about it, I have read all there is about it and my mind is made up. I must have the operation.”
The operation was duly carried out and when he had recovered from the anaesthetic and was back in the ward he got to talking to the other patients.
“And what are you in here for?” he asked th fellow in the next bed.
“To be circumcised.”
“DAMN, THAT was the word I meant !”
