Jan 31

Sharon was taken to the doctor because she was putting on weight. Her mother, a somewhat overbearing woman, told the doctor all about it, poor Sharon was not allowed to say a word despite being a young woman of 15 years.

After a long monologue from her mother about how it must be her glands, the doctor examined Sharon and was able to make the diagnosis.

“Well,” said the doctor, “I’m afraid that the reason why Sharon is putting on weight is that she is PREGNANT.”

“Nonsense,” said Sharons mother, “you’re wrong, you’ve obviously made a mistake. Such a thing is just not possible. Sharon would never do anything like that, she doesn’t know anything about such things.” Turning to Sharon she boomed at her daughter, “Isn’t that so?” Poor Sharon could only shake her head in abject agreement.

The doctor said nothing. He just washed his hands, walked to the window and stared intently into the evening sky.

“Well, doctor, have you nothing to say? Are you just going to stare out the window? bellowed Sharons mum.

The doctor quietly replied that he was looking for something, because the last time that this had happened a new star had arisen in the East and three wise men on camels had come looking for the fortunate mother and child.

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Feb 12

What is the difference between a hematologist and a urologist?

A hematologist pricks your finger.

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Feb 12

A COLLECTIVE FROM MEDICAL INTERVIEW RECORDS WRITTEN BY VARIOUS PARAMEDICS, EMERGENCY ROOM RECEPTIONISTS, AND (WE ARE AFRAID) A DOCTOR OR TWO AT MAJOR HOSPITALS.

The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

The skin was moist and dry.

Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.

Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.

Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

She is numb from her toes down.

Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.

While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.

Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

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Jan 27

A man phones a mental hospital and asks the receptionist if there is anybody in Room 27.

She goes and checks, and comes back to the phone, telling him that the room is empty.

“Good,” says the man. “That means I must have really escaped.”

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Jan 29

A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin
was placed in front of a huge mock up of a heart made up of
flowers. When the pastor finished with the sermon and
eulogy, and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart
opened, the coffin rolled inside and the heart
closed. Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter.

The guy next to him asked: “Why are you laughing?”

“I was thinking about my own funeral” the man replied.

“What’s so funny about that?”

“I’m a gynecologist.”

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Feb 17

Kathy decides to remain standing on the scale until she loses weight.

Cartoon generously provided by Jason Love with permission.
You can find more cartoons by Jason at jasonlove.com

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Feb 13

Yes could you please send an emergency rescue team to my house? My husband insisted he could still wear his high school pants and if you don’t hurry over here this could turn mighty ugly!…

Cartoon generously provided by Anton Ballard with permission.

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Feb 13

Inspired by the hot coffee ruling, Bob decides to sue McDonalds for his obesity

Cartoon generously provided by Jason Love with permission.
You can find more cartoons by Jason at jasonlove.com

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Feb 13

“Fair Warning”

Ain’t nothing I hate worse than a smart aleck “SUN of a BEACH”!

Cartoon generously provided by Anton Ballard with permission.

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Feb 13

“My decision is final, Ms. Sanders — I am NOT giving Fifi braces.”

Cartoon generously provided by Jason Love with permission.
You can find more cartoons by Jason at jasonlove.com

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Feb 13

..uuhhh doctor, the patient was wondering if you could make his exam kinda quick …He says he hasn’t eaten in fourteen days

Cartoon generously provided by Anton Ballard with permission.

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Feb 13

“We wanted to make the stress test as realistic as possible.”

Cartoon generously provided by Chip Cooper.
You can find more cartoons by Chip Cooper at Coopertoons

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Feb 13

“What’s in today’s special?”

“Whatever the chef feels like throwing into it.”

“Well let’s hope that he doesn’t ‘throw something in’ to which I have an allergic reaction and die.”

Cartoon generously provided by Jason Love with permission.
You can find more cartoons by Jason at jasonlove.com

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Feb 12

The young man was quite adamant. He insisted to the surgeon that he wanted to be castrated. The surgeon pointed out that this was a drastic step for a young man to take and strongly urged him to reconsider his request.

“No,” said the young man, “I have thought long and hard about it, I have read all there is about it and my mind is made up. I must have the operation.”

The operation was duly carried out and when he had recovered from the anaesthetic and was back in the ward he got to talking to the other patients.

“And what are you in here for?” he asked th fellow in the next bed.

“To be circumcised.”

“DAMN, THAT was the word I meant !”

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Feb 12

What is the difference between a hematologist and a urologist?

A hematologist pricks your finger.

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Rating: 5.7/10 (6 votes cast)
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