How can you differentiate the patient from the psychiatrist on a Psych ward?
The patient gets better.
Jan 31
A man went to the doctor and complained that he had the most terrible constipation.
The doctor examined him and then gave him a prescription for some tablets to be taken last thing at night.
2 weeks later the patient returned for a check-up and the doctor asked him how his constipation was.
The doctor was rather surprised when the man gloomily answered that the pills worked fine and that he went every morning at 7.30.
“So why the long face?” asked the doctor.
“Because I don’t get up until 8 o’clock ! ! !” replied the patient.
Jan 24
The middle-aged spinster, well known for all her charity work and support for good causes (because she was a somewhat tedious self-publicist), was complaining to the Doctor of a persistent headache.
“What’s it like?” asked the Doctor.
“Like a tight band around my head,” replied the spinster.
Mindful that this type of headache is most often due to an unhealthy or stressed lifestyle, the Doctor asked if she smoked a lot.
“Certainly not, Doctor. Never have smoked, never will,” was the emphatic reply.
“Do you drink a lot of alcohol?”
“Doctor! I am strictly teetotal.”
“How often do you have sex?”
“That is an impertinent question, I am as chaste as the driven snow.”
“Perhaps you’re spending too much time going to church?”
“Impossible, Doctor. As I keep telling the Mothers Union, I go twice every Sunday and every Festival Day because it is our clear duty to do so.”
“Are you working too hard at your charity activities?”
“Well,” simpered the spinster, “I always believe that you can never do too much for your fellow man, even to the detriment of your own health.”
“Just as I thought,” said the Doctor, “It is clear that the headaches are due to your halo being too tight.”
Jan 31
Saw a patient from “another town” that had a car wreck and was brought to our ED with a tib/fib fracture. She had been labeled as having “multiple allergy syndrome”, and was being seen at an alternative medicine clinic in a neighboring big city.
When told by the Orthopod that she was going to have to have her fracture pinned, she wanted to know what type of metal he was going to use, as she was allergic to many of them. He told her “titanium”. She refused to agree to the procedure until she could rub some titanium against her skin to test for any reaction. As the OR did not have any non-sterile pins/rods, the doc went out to his car, opened the trunk, and brought back his Great Big Bertha titanium driver for her to test herself with…..
Jan 31
Sharon was taken to the doctor because she was putting on weight. Her mother, a somewhat overbearing woman, told the doctor all about it, poor Sharon was not allowed to say a word despite being a young woman of 15 years.
After a long monologue from her mother about how it must be her glands, the doctor examined Sharon and was able to make the diagnosis.
“Well,” said the doctor, “I’m afraid that the reason why Sharon is putting on weight is that she is PREGNANT.”
“Nonsense,” said Sharons mother, “you’re wrong, you’ve obviously made a mistake. Such a thing is just not possible. Sharon would never do anything like that, she doesn’t know anything about such things.” Turning to Sharon she boomed at her daughter, “Isn’t that so?” Poor Sharon could only shake her head in abject agreement.
The doctor said nothing. He just washed his hands, walked to the window and stared intently into the evening sky.
“Well, doctor, have you nothing to say? Are you just going to stare out the window? bellowed Sharons mum.
The doctor quietly replied that he was looking for something, because the last time that this had happened a new star had arisen in the East and three wise men on camels had come looking for the fortunate mother and child.
Feb 17
Kathy decides to remain standing on the scale until she loses weight.
Cartoon generously provided by Jason Love with permission.
You can find more cartoons by Jason at jasonlove.com
Feb 13
Yes could you please send an emergency rescue team to my house? My husband insisted he could still wear his high school pants and if you don’t hurry over here this could turn mighty ugly!…
Cartoon generously provided by Anton Ballard with permission.
Feb 13
Inspired by the hot coffee ruling, Bob decides to sue McDonalds for his obesity
Cartoon generously provided by Jason Love with permission.
You can find more cartoons by Jason at jasonlove.com
Feb 13
“Fair Warning”
Ain’t nothing I hate worse than a smart aleck “SUN of a BEACH”!
Cartoon generously provided by Anton Ballard with permission.
Feb 13
“My decision is final, Ms. Sanders — I am NOT giving Fifi braces.”
Cartoon generously provided by Jason Love with permission.
You can find more cartoons by Jason at jasonlove.com
Feb 13
..uuhhh doctor, the patient was wondering if you could make his exam kinda quick …He says he hasn’t eaten in fourteen days
Cartoon generously provided by Anton Ballard with permission.
Feb 13
“We wanted to make the stress test as realistic as possible.”
Cartoon generously provided by Chip Cooper.
You can find more cartoons by Chip Cooper at Coopertoons
Feb 13
“What’s in today’s special?”
“Whatever the chef feels like throwing into it.”
“Well let’s hope that he doesn’t ‘throw something in’ to which I have an allergic reaction and die.”
Cartoon generously provided by Jason Love with permission.
You can find more cartoons by Jason at jasonlove.com
Feb 12
The young man was quite adamant. He insisted to the surgeon that he wanted to be castrated. The surgeon pointed out that this was a drastic step for a young man to take and strongly urged him to reconsider his request.
“No,” said the young man, “I have thought long and hard about it, I have read all there is about it and my mind is made up. I must have the operation.”
The operation was duly carried out and when he had recovered from the anaesthetic and was back in the ward he got to talking to the other patients.
“And what are you in here for?” he asked th fellow in the next bed.
“To be circumcised.”
“DAMN, THAT was the word I meant !”
Feb 12
What is the difference between a hematologist and a urologist?
A hematologist pricks your finger.
